I was listening to an Indigo Girls CD yesterday when I heard a line that stuck out to me for the first time. It said, "It was my thirst that brought me to the water." Such a simple quote nearly knocked me down because it seemed a near perfect way to describe that terrible and vital struggle between by mind and my creator. I wrestle with the rationale of God like Jacob wrestled with the angel when he was christened 'Israel.' And the lovely ladies singing to me from my stereo reminded me that this struggle is precisely what binds me to God.
The inconsistencies of my faith nearly tare me apart sometimes. I can not wholly accept a God that would waste His time creating people that would ultimately reject Him, then writhe in suffering and sin for it. Yet I can not deny that the grace I believe He extended to me in spite of myself soothes my bitter soul. Nor can I deny that I have seen the touch of the divine in the love of my wife and the laugh of my nephew. It drives me crazy to love the god that created them and spit at the god that created cancer and hate. But struggling with all of this means engaging God and the world, and draws me to Him in the end. I still believe that there are angles and demons duking it out over me, but now I know that I am in the fight too. And both sides have some answering to do.
